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FORWARD OPERATING BASE KALSU, Iraq – Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
Compliments and communication were just two of the topics discussed during a seminar Sept. 9, 2008 at Forward Operating Base Kalsu on how to improve your long distance relationship.
Capt. Elisha Parkhill, the clinical social worker with the 732nd Expeditionary Support Squadron, explained to the service members in attendance that the key to a strong relationship is communication.
“Relationships, next to occupation, are probably the two major things that we see people for,” said Parkhill, who works at the FOB Kalsu Combat Stress and Mental Health Clinic. “In a group setting, normally, we get a lot of feedback … the group dynamics are so much more powerful than just a one-on-one session.”
The three-year Air Force veteran based at MacDill Air Force Base, Fla., said stress on relationships for the Soldiers and their families can be overwhelming.
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“Especially this time of the deployment,” said the native of Valdosta, Ga. “They’re not the only ones stressing here; their family is getting tried in so many different ways, and it’s our responsibility to help them work through that.”
During the Improve Your Long-Distance Relationship seminar, which takes place at the Kalsu Chapel the fourth Tuesday of each month at 3 p.m., Parkhill also spoke about the importance of staying in contact with loved ones back home, whether it’s by phone, e-mail, web cam or by mail.
Attending the informational seminar is just one of the ways Soldiers can seek help for relationship issues. The clinic also offers one-on-one sessions to help individual Soldiers.
“There’s nothing like sitting in a room with someone who needs someone to talk to and being able to be that person for them,” said Parkhill. Often, Soldiers will attend the seminar and then make a follow-on appointment at the clinic.
“We hope this is a gateway to our clinic,” she said. “It’s really encouraging to see them being proactive in getting care for themselves.”
During the seminar, one unit brought an entire platoon to the session.
“That was awesome and a great sign of leadership,” Parkhill said. “What a great way of saying, ‘Hey, I care about you.’ I think if people would do that more often, we would notice an improvement in morale based on the support from the leadership.”
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A portion of the seminar focused around a book by author Gary Chapman. The book, “The Five Love Languages,” focuses on how to express heartfelt commitment to your mate.
The five areas discussed are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
Parkhill emphasized that one way to help improve a relationship is by incorporating one or more of these areas, or all of them. By helping Soldiers decrease the stress of relationships, it will allow them to focus on the mission, and it will help the family focus on taking care of each other.
“I can’t express enough how we need to be taking care of each other,” said Parkhill. “We get so wrapped up in what is going on that we lose focus of the family unit back home. This [seminar] is focusing not only on the Soldier but on that family unit. They’re just as much in this war as we are, so we have to look out for them.”
The Improve Your Long-Distance Relationship seminar is one of several classes offered by the clinic.
“The reason we offer classes is because we’ve seen there is a need for them,” she said. “We survey and see what we have a lot of patients for … a lot of people want to quit smoking, there’s a lot of people struggling with anger and a lot of people have relationship problems, so these are the ways that we can target a bigger part of the FOB. We try to make it convenient for them; it’s not always convenient for them to come in weekly for sessions.”